You're Ugly, Too

You're Ugly, Too Summary | Section 1 Summary

Zoe Hendricks is a history professor at Hillsdale-Versailles, a small, liberal arts college in the heart of rural Illinois. The opening paragraph mocks the very setting of the college, noting the odd of names of farm towns in Illinois, such as Oblong, Paris and Normal. Even the mentality of the townspeople are mocked by Zoe's comment that when a big story like the two-hundred-point drop in the New York Stock Exchange occurred, the headline of the local newspaper blurted, "Normal Man Marries Oblong Woman."

Zoe is teaching at this institution, because a previous sex-discrimination lawsuit had been filed against the university, and the placement of a female history professor erased the lawsuit's accusations. The male faculty members there enjoy having a female in the ranks, even though they notice Zoe's eccentricities, like singing in class and wearing enormous, wild earrings. Student evaluations remark that Zoe comes late to class drinking hot chocolate, singing entire soundtracks, talking about movies she's seen, and that her tone is sarcastic. She is so different from her students that they think she's from Spain instead of Maryland.

Zoe spends her time writing articles about humor and politics, her current project being about the use of humor in various presidencies. When she writes, Zoe makes sure that she has written at each time of the day, so that her articles and chapters are written over the spectrum of hours with no one time period taking precedence over others.

Feeling frustrated by the caliber of her students and her surroundings, Zoe calls her sister Evan, who lives in New York with her well-to-do boyfriend and works as a food designer for professional photographers. Zoe complains to her sister that she's going crazy, that her students are complacent Midwesterners who have been lulled into a stupor and purchased by the material life that their parents bestowed on them. Her students, Zoe says to Evan, are not interested or attuned to the larger issues of history and geography, grouping all eastern states into one group labeled "New England."

Zoe recalls her previous job at another small school in Minnesota, where she resented that everyone was supposed to see only the good things. No kinds of complaints were acceptable, a polite cheerfulness was the expected behavior, and under no circumstances could anyone notice that the town's previous glory, the huge shopping mall, was going under. She feels that that particular Minnesota community had wanted everyone to have the same personality and behavior as Heidi.

As she contemplates her previous job, Zoe realizes that now, in her second job, she has become disillusioned and cynical. Where in the past she had promoted very personal interactions between herself and her students, she now feels they are overly demanding and whiny. One student comes in for a conference with her and says that Zoe thinks her "opinion is worth more than everyone else's in the class." Sarcastically, Zoe replies that because she's the teacher, her opinion does matter more. Otherwise, every student would have a desk and an office. When the student complains that she wants her history degree to mean something, Zoe retorts, "Well, that's your problem."

Zoe's biggest thrill from living in Illinois is waiting for the good-looking mailman to bring her a letter, which she'd read over and over again at night. At holidays, and whenever appropriate, she tips both the mailman, and the friendly cab driver, Jerry, who drives her to the airport in Terre Haute, Indiana.

Zoe tells Evan that she's coming to visit them. Evan is elated since she and her boyfriend are hosting a Halloween party. Zoe plans to go to the party as a "bonehead," wearing a headdress that looks like a giant bone going through her head. Evan's response is that she is going to wear her old moon mask, joking that she's worn it so often, she will probably get married in it. Zoe immediately warns her sister not to get married, recalling her own dismal dating history in this small Illinois town.

Her first dating relationship was a dalliance with a man who was involved in town politics and fixed a parking ticket for her. He grew less interested in her, because she was not stylish. When he comments on her need for new clothes, she had the audacity to flick an ant off her sleeve into his new convertible. Zoe's next adventure in dating was with a man who, for the sake of entertainment, stole the food garnishes off her plate. The same guy was effusive in his praise for certain art but diminished his own eloquence and enthusiasm with a comment like, "a painting like that...makes you shit." Evan's comment to Zoe about this man implied he was probably gay.

Zoe's third romantic involvement was with a man named Murray Peterson, who was also a professor. Unfortunately, Murray liked the married wives of his colleagues, and when he and Zoe would double date, Murray and the wife of his colleague would flirt and sometimes play footsies under the table. When one of the wives tells Murray that she has memorized everything about him, Zoe quips that she once knew a dog that could to that, a comment that keeps Murray Peterson from ever calling again.

When Evan asks Zoe if she's currently seeing everyone, Zoe admits that instead of human contact, she's "seeing to her house," an investment that her parents are thrilled one of their daughters could make. Zoe's mother sends her decorating magazines, which fill Zoe with longing, wishing for a beautifully furnished house. Even though she has bought items for her home, she usually returns them after getting them into the house, feeling like they aren't quite right. In one particular case, she returns a mirror, because she doesn't like how she looks in it.

Evan wants to fix Zoe up with a single, straight man who is "fun." Zoe agrees, reminding her sister that she isn't too old to have fun. She contemplates "fun" in light of the other demands of her life, namely papers to grade and an upcoming doctor's appointment to investigate a mysterious growth in her abdomen. The doctor had said it was possibly her gallbladder, but it was also possible her ovaries or colon. Zoe is reminded of the comment her vet made when, as a young girl, she brought a dog in for treatment. The vet had remarked that the "dog had worms or cancer or had been hit by a car." Zoe doesn't tell Evan about her medical problems although, when she said she felt like she was dying, Evan misses the underlying seriousness of the comment and tells Zoe that she's simply annoyed.

Zoe's goes for her ultrasound on Friday, joking with the technician about the word ultrasound sounding more like stereo equipment than a medical test. The attention that her bare stomach is receiving causes her to remember her college boyfriend who had rubbed her stomach when she was sick, both of them hoping for a pregnancy. After two years and no baby, they separated ways. Zoe's thoughts, however, are called back to the radiology technician who won't tell her anything except that the doctor will call her that afternoon. Zoe knows she's going out of town and will miss the call, but on the way home, she examines her appearance and decides she doesn't look well. Again, she recalls a joke about a doctor who tells a guy he's got only six weeks to live. When the patient says he wants a second opinion, the doctor says, "You're ugly, too."

Jerry, Zoe's favorite cab driver, takes her to the airport, confessing that he's never even been on an escalator, an airplane, and certainly not to New York. Zoe's philosophy on travel is to tell yourself you have nothing to live for. When your plane crashes, it's no big loss. Unfortunately, when it doesn't crash, you have to find a reason to go on with life.