The Catbird Seat

The Catbird Seat Summary | Detailed Summary

Mr. Martin, a small, officious little man who works for F & S (in a filing department), is out on the streets of New York, putting into motion his plan to kill Ulgine Barrows, a woman who works in his office. This is rather surprising, since Mr. Martin is a thoroughly unremarkable man who is perfectly content to work as an unremarkable, yet remarkably efficient employee at F&S. Furthermore, he does not smoke and has never drunk anything stronger than a glass of milk, save the one time when he drank a ginger ale.

As Mr. Martin thinks about the reasons for wanting to get rid of Ulgine Barrows, the story moves back in time to her arrival in the office. Ulgine Barrows is introduced as the new special adviser to the president of the firm, Mr. Fitweiler, after Mr. Fitweiler meets her at a party. No one is sure why she was appointed to this position, but Mr. Fitweiler seems confident enough in her abilities.

It takes no time for Mr. Martin to dislike the woman, since she has a loud boisterous manner and she is constantly spouting off bizarre phrases such as, "Are you hollering down the rain barrel? Are you scraping around the bottom of the pickle barrel? Are you sitting in the catbird seat?" (2) Nobody else around the office likes her either and a few of the older members of the firm leave in order to get away from her. However, Mr. Martin puts up with her for two years as he quietly endures her constant needling and inane questions.

However, Mr. Martin is not planning to kill Ulgine Barrows because he cannot stand her. In fact, he is planning to kill her because she is ruining the efficiency of F & S. As Mr. Martin recalls, Ulgine is constantly reorganizing departments, changing old methods of business, and generally disrupting the entire office's practices. Though Mr. Martin disapproves of her practices, he continues to endure her. However, the final straw arrives when she points herself at Mr. Martin's department in order to reorganize his precious, highly efficient work life. Thus, Mr. Martin decides that Mrs. Barrows must go.

After spending the day carefully maintaining his normal routine, he walks over to Ulgine's apartment and, surprised at the arrival of her guest, she invites him in. Then, while Mrs. Barrows is in another room fixing a drink for herself and her guest, Mr. Martin looks for a weapon with which to kill her. However, nothing in the room will work and it seems that he is stuck. However, as Mrs. Barrows returns with a scotch-and-soda for Mr. Martin, a wonderful plan occurs to him.

Mr. Martin pulls out a pack of cigarettes he bought earlier and has a smoke along with a few gulps of scotch. Mrs. Barrows is surprised at her coworker, since he is well-known to never smoke or drink. However, she is utterly shocked when Mr. Martin offers the toast, "Here's nuts to that old windbag, Fitweiler." (6) Furthermore, Mr. Martin tells Ulgine Barrows that he is planning to get coked up on heroin and detonate a bomb in Fitweiler's office. Of course, Mrs. Barrows is appalled and she orders Mr. Martin to leave her house at once.

The next day, Mrs. Barrows comes in to work and loudly announces to Mr. Martin that she is telling Mr. Fitweiler all about his plan before she storms off to Mr. Fitweiler's office. The other people in the office are, obviously, confused at her pronouncement, but Mr. Martin acts as though he has no idea what she is talking about and he resumes his work as though nothing is wrong.

Meanwhile, there is a loud argument in Mr. Fitweiler's office as Fitweiler and Mrs. Barrows argue about something that is not entirely clear to the rest of the office staff. However, when Mrs. Barrows storms out of the office, Mr. Fitweiler calls in Mr. Martin, much to everyone's surprise.

Mr. Fitweiler informs Mr. Martin that Mrs. Barrows has made several surprising statements and allegations about Mr. Martin, but Mr. Martin pretends to have no idea what she is talking about. As well, when Mr. Fitweiler says that Ulgine Barrows claimed to see Mr. Martin smoking and drinking, Mr. Fitweiler was shocked. In fact, Mr. Fitweiler decides that his adviser has been working too hard and is probably undergoing some sort of nervous breakdown.

Just then, Mrs. Barrows storms into the office and launches into a tirade against Mr. Martin and all his denials. However, Mr. Martin is completely unaffected and the rest of the office thinks that she has gone insane. A few men there grab and hold of her and physically force her out of the building, never to return. Thus, with Ulgine Barrows finally out of the way, Mr. Martin returns to his office and continues his work as though absolutely nothing is wrong.