The Bald Soprano

The Bald Soprano Summary | Detailed Summary

In this one-act play of just 33 pages, a typical English couple, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, are in their armchairs after dinner. Mr. Smith is reading the newspaper; Mrs. Smith is darning socks. When the clock strikes nine o'clock, Mrs. Smith begins what appears, at first, to be normal chitchat. It is, and yet the playwright has taken it to an extreme. Mr. and Mrs. Smith only sound like they are making sense, but they don't. They contradict themselves and each other without seeming to be aware of it. They have a superficial quarrel and a superficial make-up.

Their maid, Mary, comes in from a day of shopping and announces that Mr. and Mrs. Martin are on the front porch. Mr. and Mrs. Smith had forgotten they invited them over, and for some reason, the Martins didn't ring the bell. The Smiths say they will go to dress for company and ask Mary to let the Martins in. The Smiths exit, and the Martins enter.

While waiting for the Smiths, Donald and Elizabeth Martin seem to have a sweet, romantic conversation. The Martins seem to pretend they do not know each other, and then they act surprised to find that they share the same history, address, bedroom, and a daughter named Alice. It appears that they are pretending to discover each other all over again. The Martins dance as if they have just met, and then fall asleep cuddled in the same armchair.

However, Mary re-enters while they are asleep and tells the audience that Donald and Elizabeth are not themselves and do not have the same daughter. Therefore, they have neither found each other nor themselves. Mary then states that her own name is really Sherlock Holmes, and she exits.

By this time in the play, the clock randomly strikes however many times it wishes. It strikes at that moment and the Smiths return, wearing exactly the same clothes as before they left. The two couples visit, and their conversation is just as nonsensical as all the conversations have been. It starts out like many conversations in mixed company, with lots of awkward silences and talk of the weather. After the four begin to warm up to each other, the speed and volume are like any typical conversation, but there is no content that makes any sense, whatsoever.

The doorbell rings three separate times, but when no one is at the door all three times, Mrs. Smith finally gives up answering it. When the bell rings again, the two couples argue whether the fact that there was no one there before should cause one to conclude that a ringing doorbell means no one is there.

Finally, Mr. Smith goes to the door and greets the Fire Chief, who has come looking for a fire. When Mrs. Smith invites him to take off his helmet and sit, he says he will take off the helmet, but he does not have time to sit. Then he does just the opposite; he sits and continues to wear his helmet.

Business is not good for the Fire Chief. He is very disappointed not to have found a fire. Mrs. Smith is full of sympathy and asks him to stay. When he offers to tell some stories, since he is not busy, Mrs. Smith gives him the first of several kisses. After the Fire Chief tells a couple of nonsensical stories, Mr. Smith and Mrs. Smith each tell a story. Mr. Martin kisses Mrs. Smith, or not, depending on the whim of the play's director.

The maid, Mary, enters and asks to be allowed to tell a story. At first the Fire Chief is offended, but then he recognizes her, somehow, and the two fall into each other's arms. The Smiths and Martins discuss whether this is proper English behavior and whether Mary has forgotten her place as a maid. Finally, Mary recites a poem while the Smiths push her offstage.

The Fire Chief takes his leave, saying he will have a fire at the other end of town in a few minutes, but it will really just be heartburn. At the door, he pauses to mention another topic of discussion, the bald soprano, and the whole room is embarrassed and silent for a moment. Finally, Mrs. Smith answers that the bald soprano always wears her hair the same way. The Fire Chief says goodbye and exits.

The Smiths and Martins return to their seats. They begin another pointless conversation, but this one degenerates from pointless, but complete, sentences to streams of meaningless words without sentences being formed anymore. They begin to raise their voices and shout vowels, consonants, and train noises at each other. Just at the point that they are all screaming into each other's ears, the lights go out, and all four begin chanting together, "It's not that way, it's over here! It's not that way, it's over here!"

Suddenly, the stage is as silent as it is dark. The lights come back up, and the scene is just as it began; except now the Martins are alone onstage, sitting in the armchairs. Mr. Martin is reading the paper; Mrs. Martin is darning a sock. They begin to say the same lines that the Smiths said at the beginning of the play.